Kelly Never Meant That Much to Me
by StrawberryPajamas
Summary: Pam and Ryan are new deskmates after Jim leaves for Stamford, and neither would have it any other way. Pam/Ryan Season 3, starts out Gay Witch Hunt
1. Flutters

There was an odd feeling in the pit of Ryan Howard's stomach.

He felt a small twinge of it as he sat in the conference room, watching Michael and Oscar pertain in awkward activities that left them all in a state of uncomfortable shock. He felt it pull slightly as he watched things get out of control, with Dwight insisting that it was natural for a middle-aged man to kiss another man after watching his best friend do it first. Michael was yelling at him and everyone was shouting over the chaos going on around them. He stayed out of it; merely looking around the room with his wide, blue eyes like a deer in the headlights. He wanted to get out of this insane (yet predictable) meeting so he could go back to his desk and get some work done.

And yet he couldn't place this uncomfortable, fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Ryan didn't know exactly when it started, or what had caused it, but throughout the meeting he had been feeling weird. Usually, he would ignore something so trivial, passing it off as bad food he had eaten that day. He had more important things to worry about, like actually closing that account with with Mr. Kent from Henderson Inc., or how he could avoid Kelly in a whole new and completely innocent way. Life was strange enough at Dunder-Mifflin without having to worry about indefinable flutters that he wasn't even sure were real.

Ryan felt someone move beside him. Pam was getting out of her seat next to him, making her way to the front desk. Ryan could hear over the hectic arguing that the phone there was ringing. He watched her leave, feeling a little jealous that she had an excuse to get out of the stuffy, over-crowded conference room. He would have left too, but he knew Michael would probably corner him and make some crude, sexual joke involving him that would make them all feel more than a little uncomfortable.

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam," he heard faintly in the background. His flutters got a little faster.

"Everyone! SHUT UP!!" Michael screamed at the room at large, and they quieted immediately. "Look, we aren't getting anywhere with this argument. And I'm not even sure what we were arguing about in the first place," Michael added, shaking his head. "But I'm sure Oscar has gotten it all out there, and, well, we might as well quit while we're ahead; call it a day. Goodnight, everybody!" Michael called out, before practically sprinting out the room and towards his office, obviously leaving and hiding before everyone started yelling at him again. The rest left at a much slower pace, muttering amongst themselves. Ryan was walking with the crowd, feeling relieved at getting out Scott-free, pun intended. That was, until, someone grabbed his elbow in a vice-like grip and yanked him back into the room.

"What, Kelly?" Ryan asked wearily to the grinning Indian woman standing next to him and clutching his arm for dear life. He really wasn't in the mood to talk to his unbearable girlfriend right now, especially alone. He glanced at the last people filing out, and felt another small twinge of jealousy go along with his flutters. He so wanted to be one of those people getting to leave right then.

Kelly was positvely glowing, and her hands finally let go of his arm, clasping under her chin, "Omigod, Ryan, wasn't that like the sweetest thing you ever saw?" she glanced at a spot near the television set and sighed dreamily. Ryan looked at that spot too, and almost dry-heaved. He couldn't have disagreed more with Kelly right then. The memory of Michael kissing Oscar at that spot would forever be burned into his memory, and not in a good way.

"Um, yeah, sure. Kelly, was there anything you needed? I still have to, uh..." he trailed off, pointing back to his desk. He wasn't sure exactly what he was going to say, he just knew he wanted to get out of this room Kapoor-free.

"Yeah, uh, some of us were going out to Poor Richards tonight, and I was going to go too." Kelly looked into his eyes with a doe-eyed expression, silently telling him to come with her.

Ryan sighed, "I can't tonight. I have to study for my big Economics test tomorrow. Plus I've been feeling kind've sick lately." It was true he had to study for a test tonight, and he knew that Kelly would've blown off drinks for them to have a 'study party' at her house if he didn't say he had been feeling sick. Dating this woman for almost a whole year had taught him a few tricks.

"Oh," Kelly looked at him, a little sad, and his weird flutters got worse. He considered saying he could come with her and just study at the bar, but thought better of it. He would've regretted doing that in a heartbeat. So instead, he pecked her on the cheek (which perked her up almost immediately) and tried to head out the door to his desk that was sitting about 4 feet away. Kelly stopped him and hugged him around the middle before he got a chance to get there.

"I'll see you tomorrow then. Feel better, baby." Kelly cooed before letting him go and making her way towards the coat rack by Pam's desk. She grabbed her jacket and purse, blew a kiss in his direction, and sauntered out the door to the hallway. When she finally left, Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. At least that was over with.

Ryan desperately wanted to call one of his clients and close an account with them, but he checked his watch, 5:25 pm, and thought better of it. Their offices wouldn't be open, and he would have to leave a voicemail, which Dwight said was the 'weak man's sale'. Not wanting to get Dwight riled up, Ryan merely walked to his desk and packed up his things along with everyone else and begin to head out for the day.

He stopped suddenly, slapping a hand to his forehead, when he remembered that report he had to make 25 copies of for tomorrow's meeting. He had completly forgotten.

Grumbling to himself, he reopened his suitcase and pulled out the folder that held the report. He cursed himself for losing precious study time by wasting it on a stupid mandatory report that was most likely going to end up being a formality. Everyone filed past him and out the door while he got the correct papers in order.

He thought he was alone in the office when he got up to go to the copy machine, but was surprised to see Pam still sitting at her desk. And still talking on the phone.

Ryan's flutters got much faster as he made his way to the copy machine by her desk and put the paper inside to be copied. He watched out of the corner of his eye the way Pam mumbled indistinct words into the phone while looking down and twisting a piece of hair around her finger. He occasionally caught her glancing up at Michael's office with a worried expression on her face.

Ryan heard some words she was saying. And once he heard the words 'banana', 'drywall', and 'webster's dictionary', he snorted with laughter.

Pam looked up at him, "Something funny?" she asked him conversationally, the phone still tucked under her ear.

He looked at her, still chuckling under his breath, "Mind if I ask why you're talking to yourself on the phone?"

Pam turned red, but grinned all the same, "Oh, yeah. I had to leave the meeting before to answer the phone, but it was a wrong number and they hung up. Michael asked me this morning to stay late and do a special project for him," she rolled her eyes. "So I'm stalling with this phone call for as long as possible."

Ryan grinned, his flutters practically dominating his entire midsection, "What project exactly?"

Pam shrugged, "He wouldn't say, but I'm guessing it has something to do with Jan and magic wands."

Ryan laughed, turning back to the copier "Yeah, been there." He silently cursed himself for sounding so lame.

They were silent as Ryan kept making copies, and he would smile each time he heard Pam mumble something random in the phone. His flutters were flitting around, getting more aggressive with every passing second. But he didn't notice, because he was too focused on listening to Pam talk quietly into the phone. He realized he kind've liked the sound of her voice.

Finally, after about ten minutes, Ryan finished copying the reports. He was stapling the sheets together at his desk when Michael's door burst open, and he walked out with his tie undone and coat thrown over his shoulder. He didn't acknowledge either of them as he strode out the door, slamming it behind him.

"Thank God!" Pam said, dropping the phone back in it's cradle. "I didn't know how much longer I could've kept that going. I was hoping he would forget."

Ryan laughed; a happy, relaxed laugh that made Pam smile, and make his flutters go crazy.

"Hey, mind if I ask you something?"

Ryan looked at her, a little surprised, but grinned all the same, "Sure. What do you want to know?"

Pam propped up her elbow on her desk and cupped her face with her left hand. She looked at him curiously, "How come you laughed at this and not at what Michael said earlier in the conference room?"

Ryan, who was packing up his things, looked at her like she was crazy, "Since when did you think any of Michael's jokes were _funny_? I'dve thought you'd learn by now..."

Pam giggled, "True, but I mean like, when he said that we were all 'Homos', I looked at you and laughed, but you just kinda stared at me, like I was crazy or something." Pam's light tone wasn't accusatory, but Ryan felt ashamed all the same.

"Oh, yeah, that. Well, if I would've laughed with you, I'd bet you anything Kelly would have been jumping down yours and my throats." Pam smiled understandingly, and Ryan felt his flutters spread to the soles of his feet, "Trust me, it would be better for both of us if we didn't joke around Kelly."

"Aw, too bad," Pam fake-pouted, tilting her head so that her sideswept bangs fell over her face. Ryan noticed this.

"Hey, it's not all bad," he assured her, walking over to the coat rack to grab his things. "We can still laugh, but just not around Kelly. Like we're doing now." he added with a small half-smile in her direction.

She smiled shyly, "Okay, it's a deal." Pam stood up, arranging the strap of her purse on her shoulder, then held out her hand to shake.

Ryan merely stared at it.

"C'mon," Pam teased, wiggling her fingers slightly, "We agree we can laugh together as much as we want as long as Kelly doesn't notice, right?"

Ryan looked into her eyes and smiled. He took her small, soft hand in his and shook, feeling goosebumps tingle on his arm.

"Right."

He and Pam made their way to the parking lot, making pleasant small talk, and finally going their separate ways. Ryan smiled to himself as he walked to his car, watching Pam pull out of the parking lot in her little blue Yaris. His flutters were suddenly matched with his heart thumping at a wild and erratic pace.

He thought he could really grow to like these flutters.


	2. New Friendships

Compared to the last two months Pam Beesly had had, this past week at Dunder-Mifflin was like heaven.

Jim had just got up and left around mid-May, leaving Dunder-Mifflin and Pam's heart in the dust. She thought she had loved him, but he obviously didn't love her enough to stay. Pam had spent the entire summer getting out of wedding plans and wishing that things had ended up differently. She had become quieter and more depressed, which was her small way of mourning for losing what she thought was the love of her life. Luckily, people let her get away with it because of her cancelled wedding; they were sympathetic because of that. If only they knew.

But this was all before Ryan Howard became her friend.

Pam didn't know what their casual conversation last Wednesday night did, but since then, Ryan had been very pleasant to her. They agreed not to joke together around Kelly, which was easy, seeing as she worked all the way in the annex. Several times a day, he would walk up to her desk and talk to her. Their conversations were always joking, which was fun. God knew Pam needed a laugh. They would usually joke about work, Michael, Kelly, or paper. But sometimes they hit on more serious subjects, like her art classes or his business school. They never talked about Jim, in which Pam was grateful for. What she needed was time to heal, which was what Ryan's friendship gave her exactly.

She didn't know how she got through the summer without him.

***

It was a Monday morning at Dunder-Mifflin, and Pam was there early, as usual. She went through the normal morning routine: Turn on computer. Think about Jim. Check voicemails. Think about Jim. Arrange Michael's messages. Was Jim thinking about _her_ right now?

Pam sighed sadly as the office workers began trickling in one at a time. It was going to be a long week.

"Hey Pam."

Pam immediately perked up when she heard his voice, and smiled up at Ryan who was just walking in with Kelly. Pam couldn't help but notice she had her fingers linked with his.

"Hey Ryan...Kelly," she greeted them, "Good weekend?"

"Yeah, it was pretty good," Ryan smiled at her, hanging up both his and Kelly's coats. "You?"

"Excellent. Thanks," Pam looked directly at Ryan when she smiled, and he looked away shyly.

"Kay, I'll see you later, baby," Kelly gave Ryan a sloppy kiss on the cheek before turning towards the kitchen, "Bye Pam!"

After Kelly had flounced through the door and out of sight, Pam immediately turned to Ryan. "So, what was your weekend _really_ like?"

Ryan rolled his eyes, "You mean the all-night Drew Barrymore Movie Marathon? Oh, spectacular. Especially if you like to watch _50 First Dates_ with Kelly reciting the whole thing line-by-line."

Pam laughed, and thoughts of Jim just seemed to fade more with every minute passing. "Wow, sounds like a lot of fun."

"Yeah, you should watch with us sometime. Experience the 'fun' for yourself." Pam knew he was only joking, but she couldn't help but really like that idea.

"Drew's not really my taste, but if you guys ever have a Sandra Bullock Movie Marathon, give me a ring." Pam giggled, turning back to her computer. Suddenly, all thoughts Jim-related were completely gone.

"My people will call your people." Ryan promised before saying goodbye to her and heading towards his work area.

Pam watched Ryan walk to his desk wearing a smile on her face. Maybe today wouldn't be _that_ bad...

***

Hours passed, and nothing exciting happened other than Michael trying to reenact the awkward scene from _Titanic _with the blow-up doll from last year's sexual harrassment seminar. It was as, if not more, awkward to watch than Michael pressing his lips against Oscar's in an attempt to prove his tolerance of gays. Along with that image, the entire office would reminisce about how Michael tried to make-out with a blow-up doll. Ah, memories.

The only good part of this little trist was when Ryan kept trying to catch Pam's eye and grin. Pam would always grin back, feeling an odd sort of flutter in her stomach. But she was sure that was just the uncomfort of watching Michael pronounce his undying love to a polyester doll.

When noontime rolled around, Pam got up to grab her lunch in the kitchen. Michael's little performance was over, so the distractions were getting scarce. And that meant thoughts of Jim started seeping into her brain. Not wanting to fall into another state of the lonely depression she had been suffering from all summer, Pam decided to distract herself with an early lunch.

About two seconds after Pam opened the fridge to find her paper lunchbag, Ryan walked into the kitchen. Pam saw him, and immediately began to feel her mood improve.

"Hey Ryan, what's up?" Pam asked happily, turning back to the fridge. It was always a treat to see her new office best friend.

"Nothing. Just grabbing lunch." He sounded a little out of it; his breath kind've hitched and his movements uncomfortable. Michael probably got to him right before he got to the kitchen.

"What a coincidence," Pam joked, pulling out her lunch from the fridge. She held it out for him to see. "Me too!"

Ryan chuckled, scratching the back of his neck, "Coincidence..." he mumbled.

Pam tilted her head, "You want to join me?"

Ryan's eyes snapped up to hers, "Really?"

Pam nodded, smiling. Ryan smiled too, his movements becoming natural once again.

"Cool."

Pam and Ryan had a pleasant time, as always, when they chatted. They talked about business and art and everything that was going on in their lives. Pam found it interesting that Ryan had four brothers and that he didn't get along with his stepfather and that someday he wanted to own his own company. Pam told him about her mother and her break-up with Roy and how she wanted to do something with art or graphic design. They hung on to each other's every word, not even noticing they weren't even joking around like they usually did.

Pam was in the middle of explaining how she had gotten into art, when she reached into her lunchsack and pulled out something that made her heart stand still...

A hot sauce packet.

Memories of teapots and Christmas parties and broken hearts filled Pam's mind, and soon her eyes began filling with tears. She couldn't believe she went to pieces over such a simple condiment, and wished Jim didn't have such a hold over her. She didn't realize she had stopped talking mid-sentence and was clutching the packet so hard it was about to burst.

"Pam?" Ryan asked from somewhere far away, "Pam? Are you okay?"

Pam looked up at Ryan's worried face and forced a smile on her lips, "Yeah...yeah I'm fine. Sorry, what was I saying?"

Ryan wasn't buying it, "Seriously Pam, what's wrong? You're crying..."

Pam, embarressed, wiped her eyes, "It's nothing. Sorry."

"Come on, tell me." Ryan pleaded, looking at her, still worried.

Pam looked at him, and weighed her options. She took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, I'm a total wreck. I'm going to pieces over a stupid hot sauce packet," she clenched it in her fist and chucked it away from her, letting it bounce on the tile floor.

Ryan looked at her seriously, "Pam, remember: I'm dating _Kelly_. There is nothing that is upsetting you that I'm going to be surprised by..."

Pam laughed, and felt instantly at ease. She knew she could trust Ryan. He had been so sweet to her over the last week, and she knew he would sympathize. She looked down at her hands.

"Okay, well... hot sauce packets used to be an kind've an inside joke between Jim and me."

She looked up soon enough to see Ryan's eyes flash.

"You miss him?" he asked simply.

Not trusting herself to say anything without bursting into tears, she nodded.

There was a small silence where neither of them spoke. Pam's eyes didn't look up from the table, so she couldn't tell what Ryan was thinking, or if he was thinking at all. He finally spoke.

"He had a crush on you, you know."

Pam looked up to see Ryan's sad, blue eyes look down, and she knew he was sympathizing.

"Did he tell you?"

"No, I could just kinda tell. We all could."

Pam bit her lip and looked down, "He told me he was in love with me." she said without thinking.

Ryan's eyebrows shot upward, "What?!" he sounded surprised; _angry_ even, and Pam felt grateful that she could at least get empathy from someone other than her mother.

"Yeah..." Pam whispered, pressing her lips together.

"Just like that? Out of the blue?"

Pam shrugged, then nodded slightly. Her eyes were glued to the table.

Another small silence, once again broken by Ryan, "You want to talk about it?"

With that question finally being asked, Pam looked up at him with a wry, little half-smile on her face. "If you don't mind," she mumbled, looking right into his ridiculously blue eyes. Ryan gave her a soft smile before nodding her to continue.

Pam talked for about 10 minutes, telling him about what happened on Casino Night, why she really broke off the wedding, and how terrible she had been feeling since then. She was thankful she had been able to hold back the tears when she was recounting everything, and that Ryan didn't interrupt. She found it much easier to just keep talking.

When she finished, it felt as if a 150 pound weight was lifted from her shoulders, letting her breathe again. She realized right then how much she had actually needed to tell someone what she was feeling.

Ryan offered a few words of comfort to her, saying that Jim probably will always care for her somewhat, and that she would always have good memories of them being friends. Even though his words didn't make her feel much better, Pam was touched by the fact he cared enough to say those things.

But the thing that surprised her the most was when they both got up from the table and Ryan hugged her. She stiffened at first, but quickly melted into his embrace, hugging him back. The gesture was so sweet, it made tears come to her eyes.

"Better not let Kelly see us," Pam joked when they broke apart. She wiped away a tear, smiling. She was feeling better already.

Ryan just smiled, his cheeks tinged red, "It's okay. It was worth it, I think."

Pam certainly thought it was.


	3. Two Months

**Two Months Later**

"Attention everybody!" Michael called from the doorway of his office. A few people looked his way, wondering what weird lark Michael was going to pull. Others just kept on working.

Michael looked troubled, "I have some good news, and some bad news." A few more people looked up, curious.

"The good news is that Dunder-Mifflin, Stamford, is shutting down."

Now everyone was listening. It took a few seconds for this information to seep in, then people began talking all at once.

"How is that _good _news?" Oscar shouted indignantly from his corner. Angela and Kevin nodded in agreement.

"It's terrible news!" Meredith agreed.

"Yeah, all those people in Stamson are out of work!" Creed piped up from his desk.

"Well, Corporate's not shutting _us _down, are they Creed?" Michael said, oozing 'duh'. "We all still have our jobs! Isn't that good news?"

People just glanced at each other with knowing looks. Ryan gave Pam a look, and she smiled understandingly.

"What's the bad news?" Dwight asked Michael seriously.

"The bad news is that several people from that branch are merging with ours."

Again, there was an awkward silence.

"I think you have those mixed up, Michael." Pam said from her desk.

"Yeah, I don't get how that's _bad _news," Kelly chirped from the supply shelf.

Michael sighed, frustrated, "Be-_cause_, Kelly, a bunch of people from Josh's branch will _pollute_ this one! Their uncleanliness will kill the vibe this office has going." Michael shook his head dispirtedly.

"Do you know who's all coming?" Phyllis asked Michael curiously.

"No idea, but can you imagine a bunch of strangers working with us? Sharing our dishes, using our paper..."

"Spying on us," Dwight added helpfully.

"Probably," Michael agreed, pointing at Dwight, "That is an excellent point, Dwight..."

Pam missed the rest of the conversation for she had just received an IM from Ryan:

**NottaFireGuy**: Meet me in the breakroom in five minutes.

Pam looked at him curiously, but he kept his eyes glued to the computer screen. Pam typed back:

**BringingArtsyBack**: What's the matter?

**NottaFireGuy**: It's about the merger.

**BringingArtsyBack**: Do you know something Michael doesn't?

**NottaFireGuy**: Just meet me there in 5 minutes, kay?

Ryan looked up at her, and Pam nodded at him, letting him know she would be there. She didn't know why Ryan looked so worried, and that made her worried. Well, at least she would find out soon.

**Two Months Earlier**

"I don't want to hear it!"

"But Kelly, I..."

"No! I've heard enough, Ryan. We're through!" Kelly screamed before bursting through the hall door and back into the office. She stormed through the office area and walked through to the annex, slamming the kitchen door behind her.

People kept on working as if nothing had happened.

Pam was listening nervously to the entire exchange, going on a mere 15 feet away from her desk and behind a door. Kelly had dragged Ryan back there, wanting a word. They were there about five minutes before Kelly started screaming at the top of her lungs, disrupting the quiet of the office. They were going at it for about twenty mintues and Pam was really starting to worry.

She was just starting to wonder if she should go out there to see if Ryan was okay when he walked back in the office.

He was looking down, sort of embarressed. Pam couldn't blame him. He caught her eye when he was walking back to his desk, and Pam looked at him sympathetically. She tilted her head toward the breakroom, and he nodded. Pam got up, leading him to the indicated room, feeling anxious.

"So, I'm sure you heard..." Ryan said once they made it to the breakroom, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"You and Kelly broke up?" Pam asked quietly. Ryan nodded, "I'm so sorry."

Ryan looked down and shrugged, "Eh, it was bound to happen. We haven't really been connecting lately, and she was getting to be too exhausting."

"Is 'exhausting' the right word?" Pam joked, walking over to the vending machines to buy them both sodas. Ryan chuckled.

"Yeah, I think 'depleting the life out of me' would be a more accurate phrasing." he sat down at a table and accepted the Coke Pam held out for him, "Thanks."

Pam smiled and sat down next to him with her soda in hand. "Well, it's not as if anyone knows yet, right?" She took a sip, and couldn't help giggling when she saw Ryan bury his face in his hands.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Ryan's dispirited voice was muffled.

Pam put a sympathetic hand on his arm, "C'mon, it's not that bad. I don't think anyone cares, really. They all expect that kind of behavior from Kelly." Her hand moved in soothing motions before she pulled it away.

"Yeah," Ryan lifted his face out of his hands, feeling his heart jump when Pam took her hand off his arm. He wished she would keep her hand there forever, comforting him.

"Look on the bright side," Pam grinned, "You're single now! You can get any girl that you want, right?"

Ryan looked at her for a second, then a small smile appeared on his face.

"Right."

**One Month Earlier**

"Ready for lunch?" Ryan walked up to Pam's desk and tapped the counter with his knuckles.

"Sure, hold on a sec," Pam paused her game of minesweeper before switching the phone to voicemail. "Okay, ready." Pam followed Ryan to the kitchen where they were going to spend their lunch hour together, eating and chatting.

These moments with Ryan were what Pam looked forward to the most every day. He was fun and sweet and kind and just an all-around interesting person. Pam had grown to love his company; her eyes lighting up and her face breaking out into a smile whenever she saw him. Her heart would leap every time she heard his name being spoken. It felt great to be happy about something again.

Ever since Ryan and Kelly broke up, he and Pam had been hanging out much more. Ryan would constantly IM her, or walk up to her desk just to chat. They had their own inside jokes, much like her and Jim used to have, but Ryan was much better because there was none of that awkwardness of her having a fiancee anymore. He was much more affectionate toward her than Jim ever was too; touching her arm or her hand when they laughed, occasionally putting an arm around her shoulders as they walked, or brush a piece of hair away from her face when her bangs fell in her eyes. She felt tingles every time he did one of these things, and her heart would race. This was how she felt when Jim touched her affectionately, but he never did it as often, knowing that would be overstepping his bounds.

But, oh well. Pam couldn't even remember what it felt like to be touched by Jim anymore, or even have fun with him, for that matter. That was all in the past now.

"...and Michael just stared at me for, like, a whole minute before he just turned and walked out!" Ryan laughed while he was telling Pam about his 'meeting' with Michael that day, which she found highly amusing.

"Yeah, I'm guessing 'meeting' was a Michael Scott code for 'man eye candy'." Pam giggled.

Ryan's eyes seemed to bulge out of his head excitedly, "That's exactly what Jim said...!"

He suddenly stopped, looking afraid. Pam looked at him quizically, while Ryan awkwardly stared at his hands.

"What did you say?"

"It's... nothing," Ryan shook his head, trying to change the subject.

"No, you said 'Jim'. Are you talking to him or something?"

Ryan looked at her for a moment, then sighed, "I swear, it's... it's not a big deal. It's a Fantasy Football thing. But we email sometimes; we talk about stuff that's going on. I told him about that meeting with Michael. And, uh, he asks about..." he cleared his throat, "He asks about... you sometimes..."

Ryan looked rather ashamed of himself, but Pam just looked curious, "What do you tell him?"

Ryan blinked at her, "Uh, well, I say the truth. I say you were kind've sad for a time, but lately you've been getting better."

Pam smiled, pleased that Ryan had noticed this about her. "Did you tell him about us?"

Ryan looked rather taken aback, "What?"

"About us being friends?" Pam held her yogurt spoon and motioned it between them, indicating them both.

"Uh, no I haven't," Ryan scratched the back of his neck, "I didn't see any reason to."

Pam nodded understandingly, "Yeah you're probably right. He might still be upset about everything that's happened. It'd be best not to rub anything in his face."

There was a small silence, finally broken by Ryan, "Want me to tell him anything from you?" he sounded a little disgusted when he said these words, as if he really didn't want to say them.

Pam ate a spoonful of yogurt thoughtfully. She finally looked at Ryan, smiling, "Hi."

Ryan looked confused, "What?"

"Just tell him I say 'hi'."

"That's it?" Ryan was trying to hold back a smile.

Pam nodded simply, "That's it."

Ryan looked down, trying to hide from Pam how pleased he really was with that answer. "Okay. I'll let him know."

**Two Weeks Ago**

"Ready?" Ryan walked up to Pam, overcoat and suitcase in hand. It was time to leave for the day. They always walked to the parking lot together, and this Friday evening was no different.

"Ready." Pam confirmed, grabbing her purse and coat. They walked out the door and toward the elevators together, talking about how they were going to spend their weekends.

"I'm probably just going to catch up on some long-term assignments for my art class." Pam happily recounted some of the sketches she had to finish, and Ryan listened with rapt attention. He loved listening to Pam when she was excited about something. Her voice got louder and little more high-pitched. He thought it was cute.

"Wow, sounds really cool," Ryan smiled when she stopped talking to take a breath. "Anything else?"

"Nope, that's about it," Pam grinned and the elevators dinged open. They both walked in, "What about you?"

Ryan suddenly felt very nervous. "Oh, uh... nothing. I'm not doing anything." he said evasively.

Ryan knew Pam very well, so he should have remembered how good she was at telling if someone was lying or not. "Come on, Ryan, why won't you tell me?" she asked demandingly.

Ryan stared at her. This woman knew him too well. "What? I'm telling the truth." he lied.

"No, you're not," Pam said bluntly, "Now come on, tell me what you're really doing this weekend."

The elevator doors opened again, and they made their way out to the lobby. Ryan stopped just short of the door, making Pam come to a halt right behind him. He turned around, giving her a sarcastic little smile, "How come you're so interested in my life, Pam?"

Pam looked taken aback, but smiled sarcastically all the same, "No reason. And how come you won't tell me? Is it embarressing?" she poked him playfully in the ribs.

Ryan laughed uncomfortably, "No, it's just... it has something to do with Kelly, that's all."

Pam stared at him, the smile sliding off her face, "Oh." Her mind was obviously straying to the worst.

"She hasn't picked up any of her stuff from my apartment yet," Ryan quickly explained, "It's a closure thing, that's all." Ryan could've sworn he saw her breathe a sigh of relief.

"Didn't you guys break up like a month and a half ago?" Pam questioned. They both started walking again, out the front doors and into the evening sunset.

"Yeah, but she's been blowing off picking up her stuff for a long time, and she finally agreed to pick them up this Saturday. Thank God; I was starting to think my apartment would be dominated by pink for the rest of my life!"

Pam laughed, but the smile slid off her face when she stopped in front of her car. Ryan waited for her to climb in, like a gentleman, but she merely stood there. She turned to face Ryan.

"You never told me why you and Kelly broke up, did you?"

Ryan raised an eyebrow, "It was just an agreement. I thought you knew that..."

Pam rolled her eyes, "I'm sorry, but Kelly screaming at you for half an hour in the hallway is not what I'd call an agreement. Now, come on. What was the real reason?"

Ryan stared at her for a few seconds before biting his lip and looking down. He smiled slightly, then looked up into her eyes again, "She thought I had feelings for you."

Pam was speechless. She felt her face turn red as she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "Oh," she finally managed to squeak out.

"Yeah," Ryan looked at his shoes, embarressed.

"Was she right?" Pam asked, trying to look right into his downcast eyes.

He looked up, into her eyes, silently telling her the truth. Pam felt her heart leap.

"Really?" Pam couldn't help but ask, "when you were still with Kelly?"

Ryan shook his head slightly, staring out into the sunset. He stood in a thoughful silence for a second before he spoke, "Pam, I've always liked you. From that first day we met all those years ago, I've had a crush on you. You probably didn't know that, though. You were engaged, and I thought being with Kelly would be kind've fun." Ryan looked directly into Pam's now tear-filled eyes, "You have to understand, she never ment that much to me. Not as much as you do."

Pam, a tear sliding down her cheek, wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. She pulled her head back, and pressed her lips against his in an exuberant kiss. Ryan kissed her back excitedly, running his hand through her hair and almost swaying with intensity. They were smiling against each others lips; both happy of finally being allowed to do this.

After what felt like an eternity, Ryan pulled back, looking at Pam with eyes full of love and happiness. Pam smiled back, finally letting her affection for him show. Ryan took her hand and asked her if she had time for a cup of coffee tomorrow before she started working on her art. Pam agreed, smiling from ear to ear. They said their goodbyes, and took off in their own directions. Ryan couldn't help but smile all the way back to his apartment.

For the first time in a month and a half, things felt absolutely perfect.

**Present**

"Ryan, what's wrong?" Pam asked, walking into the breakroom to see him standing there, looking distressed. "You look worried."

Ryan tried to smile, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a worrier." he sat down at a table and ran his fingers through his hair.

Pam sat down next to him and lightly set her hand on his arm, "What is it?" she asked quietly.

Ryan sighed and looked up at her, "It's about the merger."

Pam nodded, "Yeah, you mentioned that..."

"Well," Ryan still looked uncomfortable, "You know Michael mentioned that some people from Stamford are coming here?"

Pam nodded again. Ryan looked down.

"Jim's one of them."

Pam was taken aback at this news, "Oh..." she said simply. She stared off in the distance for a second.

"He emailed you this?" Ryan nodded

Pam looked thoughtful for a second before she looked back at Ryan, her face breaking out into a smile, "Is this what you were so worried about?"

Ryan looked at her again, relieved with how she reacted, "Well, yeah," he seemed much more at ease now, "How would you like it if your girlfriend's best friend who was in love with her came back for the first time after five months to stay for good?"

"Well, I wouldn't know." Pam smiled flirtatiously before entwining her fingers with his, "I don't have a girlfriend. Just a really _awesome_ boyfriend."

Ryan chuckled and squeezed her hand back. "Yeah, he is pretty great..."

Pam swatted him on the arm, and they both cracked up. When they quieted down, Ryan still held onto her hand tight. He stared at their joint fingers, and suddenly became serious.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" he asked, looking up into her eyes.

Pam stared at him for a second, chewing on her bottom lip. She thought back to how depressed she had been over the loss of Jim in those first two months, and how after she became friends with Ryan, all thoughts about him seemed to disappear. She thought about how happy Ryan made her, compared to Jim, and she knew her answer.

She covered their entwined fingers with her other hand. She rubbed them with her thumb before leaning over and kissing him full on the lips. Ryan was surprised, but kissed her back anyway.

Pam pulled back, and looked straight into his eyes, "I will always feel something for Jim; he was my best friend for three years. But do I like him like that?" Pam shook her head, "No, I don't. Not anymore."

Ryan smiled at her, satisfied with her answer. He kissed her again, still grinning.

"I love you," he said after they broke apart. He had never said that to her before.

Pam stared at him for a second, before her face broke into a jaw-cracking smile.

"I love you, too." she said sweetly. Ryan grinned happily, and kissed her again.

Neither of them had any thought of Jim on their minds.


	4. Not Very Secret

_A/N: So you will not be confused when you read this chapter, Karen does NOT exist in this scenario. I apologize to all you Jim/Karen fans out there, but I guess this just isn't the story for you. Go read something else or get a job. _

* * *

The merger was now upon them.

The entire office was obviously looking forward to it. The Party Planning Committee had decorated the newcomer's desks with confetti and streamers. A giant banner reading WELCOME STAMFORD TRANSFERS! was hanging over reception. Phyllis had baked cookies and Angela had made her famous brownies. Both platters were sitting on the kitchen counter, covered in saran wrap and being eyed by Kevin from his corner. Everybody was looking better than their usual drab selves, too. Creed had combed his hair and had gotten rid of most of the rotten, mung bean smell around his desk. Phyllis was wearing a new perfume Bob Vance gave her that was making Stanley's eyes water. Michael was wearing his pinstriped birthday suit and kept sprinting back to his office to check his nose and ear hair on the back of a soup spoon. Pam had even decided to wear a cute little sweater her mother had knitted for her for the occasion. Her hair, which she recently began wearing down, was full and curly. She was leaning her back against the front of her desk as she fixed Ryan's silk tie, giggling at how proud and impressive he thought he looked. Pam thought he did, too.

"You look very handsome today, you know," Pam smiled as she rearanged his fancy wine-colored tie so it lied perfectly against his thin chest. Ryan grinned.

"I know. I picked the suit out and everything," He looked over her outfit, smiling, "And you don't look too bad yourself."

Pam blushed cutely as he fingered one of her cotton cuffs. She loved the way he made her feel.

Pam checked her watch. "They'll be coming any minute now. We should sit down, or we'll be making a rather uncomfortable impression on these new people." she actually didn't want him to go, but knew it was for the best.

Ryan looked a little hurt, but understood all the same. He took a step forward, gave her a kiss on the nose, and walked back to his desk. Pam, smiling, turned around and walked back around her desk to sit down and greet the newcomers. When she looked out, she saw Ryan wink at her from his desk and felt butterflies flit around her stomach. When he looked back down at his work, the smile slid slowly off her face.

She didn't tell him, but Pam knew the real reason why Ryan was wearing that suit.

She should have known he would pull something like this, and it made her sad. Ryan knew Jim would be coming back today in the merger, and he obviously wanted to look impressive. Even though both he and Pam had decided not to tell him about them being a couple, he still wanted to show him up. To show Jim how far he had gone, which was technically just to a desk over. But Pam would never point that out to him. She cared about him too much.

Her and Ryan had just come out with their relationship that morning. They both walked hand-in-hand to Toby's cubicle and told him the truth. Toby was mildly surprised, but smiled politely all the same and promised he'd take care of it. Of course, Kelly heard the whole thing, being only 2 feet away, and burst into tears, running through the kitchen door. Toby then sighed sadly, saying nevermind. When Ryan and Pam walked out the annex, everyone looked at them. A few started applauding, and Michael bear-hugged them both, saying how proud he was. Phyllis said how happy she was for both of them, Stanley rolled his eyes, and Creed mumbled something about "brother and sister". Ryan and Pam could only chuckle nervously throughout the entire ordeal.

But at least that was over with, and now Pam could just worry about the merger that was looming closer and closer with each passing hour.

The truth was, Pam was nervous about seeing Jim again. He had been her best friend for years, but then he told her he was in love with her. And she thought she loved him too. But he left her so he wouldn't have to deal, and both were left standing on thin ice with each other. Even though Pam had found new happiness with Ryan, she didn't know how Jim was going to act around her. Would he be nervous? Come on to her again? Act like none of it ever happened? Pam bit down on a fingernail, wondering what she should do.

Suddenly, she got an IM from Ryan:

**NottaFireGuy: **I love you

He was looking at her, smiling. Pam smiled back, her love for him growing.

**BringingArtsyBack:** I love you too

She knew she could get through anything with Ryan at her side. Even if when was facing Jim again.

***

To Pam's surprise, Jim was the first to arrive.

She was just sitting at her desk, playing solitaire and not expecting anyone to arrive for at least 10 more minutes. She had just finished an awesome move, when she heard a soft "Still with the mindless computer games, huh Beesly?" from behind her.

She whipped her head around to see the grinning form of Jim Halpert standing over her desk. He had his usual messenger bag slung over his shoulder, and his hair was still floppy and stuck out at the ends. Practically everything was the same about him, and Pam couldn't help but smile. She really had missed her friend.

"Hey Jim, welcome back!" she said happily. She ditched her game of solitaire to give him a friendly hug hello.

"Good to be back," Jim said, looking deeply into her eyes. Pam looked away.

"By the way, Ryan has your old desk now," she pointed to Ryan, who was watching them closely. Pam blushed slightly, knowing what he was thinking. "So you're sitting in the one next to it." she directed his gaze to the desk adjacent.

Jim's smile faltered slightly as he looked to where she pointed, "Oh," he said quietly. He stood there awkwardly for a second before looking at Pam again, but noticed she had turned back to her solitaire game. He glanced around the entire office for a few seconds before slowly meandering towards his new and unfamiliar desk.

No one noticed Ryan smile slightly as he typed up his quarterly on the computer.

More people kept coming over the course of the morning. An odd man named Andy came just a few minutes after Jim, then a large man named Tony. A woman named Hannah and a black man named Martin both came rather late. Michael greeted each one with varying degrees of loudness, and making everyone extremely uncomfortable. Each time Michael would sprint out of his office in excitement, Jim tried to catch her eye and laugh. She chose to ignore this, knowing it would just be giving him false hope and would give Ryan something to be suspicious about. She just focused on her solitaire game, and hoped with all her heart Jim's feelings wouldn't get hurt.

"Hey, man. How're you and Kelly doing?" she heard Jim ask Ryan just now. Pam's head shot up, eyes wide.

Ryan's lips curled slightly. He glanced briefly in her direction before answering, "Oh, yeah, we broke up a few months ago."

Jim looked concerned, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

Ryan shrugged, full-on smiling now. "Eh, it's okay. We never really saw each other eye-to-eye, you know?"

"Mind if I ask why you guys broke things off?"

Pam felt a cold sweat break out on her body. She shook her head vigorously at Ryan, but he seemed to be positively enjoying himself.

"Um... well, I guess it was just an agreement."

Jim turned back to his computer, "Well, don't worry man. You'll find someone someday..."

Ryan didn't answer, which Pam thought was odd. That was, until her IM dinged:

**NottaFireGuy: **Yeah, maybe someday;)

Pam didn't know if she wanted to burst out laughing or throw something at Ryan's head. His shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter. Pam shot him a glare that said, _if you tell Jim about us I will make sure you wish you've never been born!_, but was having trouble with it because she kept smiling. She thanked God Jim had his back to her, or he would have seen the whole exchange. That _really _wouldn't have helped her cause. She quickly typed:

**BringingArtsyBack:** Shut up!!! he'll see us, and you swore you wouldn't tell!

**NottaFireGuy:** I love you

Pam laughed out loud, which made Jim look up at her. She blushed and quickly typed back:

**BringingArtsyBack:** You're not getting out of this one that easy buster!:) Promise me you won't give anything away.

**NottaFireGuy:** All right fine. You never let me have any fun...

**BringingArtsyBack: **I love you:)

Ryan beamed at her when he looked up, and Pam smiled back. She felt relieved, because she knew Ryan would keep his word, and not give anything away to Jim. At least that was over with...

"Excuse me everyone, can I have your attention please?" Michael called, walking out of the newly decorated conference room. He waited till everyone was looking at him before he continued, "It is almost time for the orientation to begin. In a few minute's time, we will all be seated in this conference room, to begin the presentation. My employee, Dwight Schrute, and I have prepared a fun little video for you all to enjoy, and a few other skits later on. There will also be food and drink for you all to mingle over, so we will all enjoy that in due time."

"But first..."

Michael suddenly motioned for Ryan to stand up. Ryan looked thoroughly nervous before doing so, wondering what Michael had planned. To his immense surprise and embarressment, Michael grabbed his hand and held it in his own, like a parent holding their child's. Pam grinned; she wasn't going to let Ryan forget this anytime soon.

"I would just like to make an announcement, for all you newcomers..." Michael dragged Ryan over to reception, "... about two certain people in this office."

Pam's and Ryan's eyes seemed to bug out at the exact same time, both realizing what he was going to do. They both started protesting, saying that he really didn't have to, but Michael shushed them both. He reached over the counter, grabbing Pam's squirming hand.

Pam could see on Ryan's face that he just wanted to die as much as she did.

"For those of you who haven't heard, Pam and Ryan have recently become an item. I repeat: they are both unavailable, seeing as they are dating. They are off-limits to any of you people who want to jump either of them. I'm sorry, you will just have to live with it." Michael smiled lovingly at both of them for a second before turning and hugging a very uncomfortable Ryan around the middle. He then walked around Pam's desk and gave her a very awkward hug around the shoulders, seeing as she was sitting down. Michael straightened up, wiping a tear out of his eye.

Pam didn't dare look over at Jim.

"I would just like to say, that I'm so proud of these two." Michael said, choked up by tears, "Today is a very special day. Not only does our family double in size, but two of our family have found love with each other." he smiled fondly at them again before sniffing and walking back around to the center of the office area. Ryan wouldn't even look at her before he quickly walked back to his desk, his face red.

"Allrighty, enough chit chat. Everyone, into the conference room! Time to begin the presentation."

As they all walked toward the meeting room, Pam chanced a glance in Jim's direction, and his expression made her heart break.

She wished with all her heart this day could be over.


	5. Efforts

"That sucked," Ryan said matter-of factly to Pam a they all filed into the conference room for orientation. Pam didn't respond, instead just stared sadly at Jim's hunched shoulders that were walking just a few people ahead of her and Ryan. What he said basically just summed up what she was feeling at that moment. Pam couldn't believe what Michael had said just minutes ago. That he had announced to the entire office, _again, _that her and Ryan were together.

And, of course, that Jim had heard every word of it.

Pam had seen the look on his face when he heard Michael pronounce their business to everyone, and it made her heart sink all the way to her feet. He just stared blankly at the floor; his eyes wide and calculating. Pam recognized this unique Jim look whenever he was trying to decipher a strange word or phrase Michael had used. But this particular look was worse. _Much _worse.

Pam took a seat to the side of the room with Ryan. She saw Jim sitting across the room, eyeing them as they sat down. Pam looked into Jim's eyes, silently trying to explain. He looked away, a crease in his brow. Pam sighed softly.

Pam felt Ryan's hand slip into hers, squeezing it. She squeezed back, feeling slightly comforted by the fact he empathized with her. She looked up at Ryan, mutely transferring all her worries to him through her eyes. Ryan gave her a small smile.

"It'll be okay Pam," he said quietly. "He had to find out eventually. Granted, this probably wasn't the best way, but now we don't have to hide." He smiled encouragingly, and Pam couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. She was feeling better already.

Pam and Ryan held hands throughout the entire presentation. Neither of them saw that Jim kept staring at their entwined fingers, an ugly look etched on his face.

***

**The Next Day**

Pam and Ryan were sitting alone in the break room, sharing a bag of chips and laughing over something that had happened to them over the weekend.

"... And remember when that tiny dog just launched itself at you?!" Pam threw her head back, giggling wildly. Ryan laughed too, watching her enjoy herself as she recounted the story. "You were scared out of your mind!"

"Yeah, well, I wasn't the one who _screamed_, was I?" Ryan teased, poking her in the stomach. Pam poked him back, still laughing. Eventually, her giggles died down, tears still glistening in her eyes. She wiped them away, smiling.

"How come my weekends with you are always the most unfortunate?" Pam asked jokingly. She hoped he knew she was joking, because she cherished every moment she spent with Ryan.

Ryan smiled, "Funny, I was going to ask you the same question."

"Really?"

"Really."

Pam smiled slyly, "So, what would be your answer to _my_ question?" she scooted closer to him.

"Well..." Ryan pretended to think, scooting closer and slipping a hand around her waist, "I guess I wouldn't have an exact answer as to _why_," he smiled at her. "But I would say that it was definitely worth it."

Pam smiled, her face inching closer to his. Ryan's inched closer to her's too, about to kiss. Their lips were a mere centimeter from connecting when the door suddenly burst open.

Jim stood in the doorway, freezing when he saw the scene displayed in front him.

Ryan and Pam jumped apart, blushing furiously. None of them would make eye contact, and it was incredibly awkward as the silence pressed on.

"Hi Jim," Pam said brightly, hoping it would quash the uncomfortableness that settled in the room. Jim just kept glancing between Pam and Ryan, his eyes wide.

"Oh... sorry," Jim mumbled quietly. He made his way to the soda machines, looking anywhere but them. "I was just going to, um... grab a soda." he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

"Cool," Ryan scratched the back of his neck, glancing awkwardly at Pam. Pam decided to break the silence again.

"So, Jim... how was Stamford?"

"Good," Jim said quickly, turning to look at them, "It was good. A good experience and promotion and stuff, so... yeah" he trailed off.

"Cool," Pam glanced at Ryan for help, but he was staring at the table as if it were the most fascinating thing ever. She pressed on.

"So, you make any friends there?" she suddenly wished she hadn't asked that, thinking it was too sensitive a subject for him to go into.

"No, not really..." Jim smirked slightly at her. "Basically just Andy. But I'm guessing I ruined that friendship once I put his calculator in jello."

"What?!" Pam laughed, the awkwardness evaporating, "You seriously did that to him?? How'd he take it?"

"Well, how do you think?" Jim laughed along with her, and suddenly he seemed like his old self again, "He went completely insane! Kicking his trash can and yelling and everything. He totally overreacted."

Pam turned to Ryan, wanting him to get in on their fun, "Remember, on your first day, when he put Dwight's stapler in jello?"

Ryan seemed to come out of his stupor, and smiled at her, "Yeah! God, that seemed like so long ago."

"I know! And remember when Dwight was trying to get Michael to use corporal punishment?"

"And that when we were just rattling off those lame-ass dessert puns?! What was the one you used again, Jim? Pudding or something...? Jim?"

Ryan and Pam looked up to see that Jim had left the room, the door swaying slightly in his wake. Pam and Ryan just stared at the door, stunned, before Pam's face seemed to crumple.

"Dammit." she mumbled dejectedly, closing her eyes. She couldn't believe she just rubbed her's and Ryan's relationship in Jim's face, _again_. What was she thinking? That all three of them could be buddies in the office? That was stupid, and she knew it.

Ryan gently laid his hand on top of her's, rubbing it with her thumb. "It's okay Pam. At least you tried."

Pam sighed, frustrated, "That's the problem: I shouldn't even have tried. I should've just waited a bit for things to turn less awkward."

"Well, nothing would have happened if you just sat around and waited," Ryan said reasonably, "It would just be extremely awkward for years and years and you would just be miserable."

Pam sighed sadly, and Ryan tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "You're making an effort, and I'm proud of you for that."

Pam looked up and smiled at Ryan, feeling a rush of appreciation for her boyfriend. He was right: she was making an effort. She was ready to be Jim's friend, it was just that Jim wasn't there yet. It would take time, but Pam would still try to connect with her old best friend. She would still be making an effort, and eventually Jim would realize she was her friend, and he would try again too.

For the second time in two days, Pam was feeling better about everything. And she realized it was always Ryan who made her feel this way.

She leaned over and kissed him deeply on the lips. Ryan smiled against her, happy that Pam was happy. He didn't like the fact that Jim was so obviously jealous about him and Pam, but Pam seemed to just want to be his friend. Ryan trusted her, and believed all she wanted was to be on good terms with him again. He knew she would never betray him, and that's why he loved her so much.

They broke apart, smiling. Pam entwined her fingers with his, and grinned slyly at him.

"We should probably get back to work, or everyone will be suspicious."

Ryan kissed her on the cheek, loving his girlfriend more with every passing minute.

"Your the boss," he said sweetly before pulling her up, her swatting at his arm playfully with her free hand. She giggled.

"I hate you."

*******

**One Month Later**

"You sure you don't want me to stay?" Pam had her jacket and purse in hand, ready to leave for the day. Her and Ryan were the only people left in the office, and Ryan was insisting she go home and that he had to stay and work late.

"I'm sure. I'll see you later," Ryan stood up and kissed her on the forehead goodbye. Pam smiled, but felt sad inside. She hated any night she couldn't spend with him. But maybe now she could work on her art for a bit before he came home. She said goodbye and walked out the door, toward the elevators.

It had been one crazy month. Her and Ryan had moved in together about 3 weeks ago. He had asked her on a Tuesday night, and Pam practically leapt at him, smothering him with kisses, and squealing 'yes!' about a million times. Ryan just laughed and kissed her back. Neither of them could remember feeling so happy right about then.

Everyone heard about it the next day. People were happy for them, even Kelly. But there was one person in particular that stayed out of it all, making Pam sad. She had been trying to talk to Jim for weeks, but he just seemed to want to distance himself from her. He just made small talk whenever she approached him, and he had turned rather cold to Ryan. Pam took Ryan's advice and kept trying to make an effort with him, but he was rather persistent with the cold shoulder.

So, here she was now. Walking out of the office building, ready to go back to the house her and Ryan shared. She began digging in her purse for her keys, looking forward slightly to her night alone, before someone said her name.

"Pam."

Pam looked up, surprised to see Jim standing in front of her car, alone.


	6. The Storm

"Pam."

Pam froze, "Jim..." She hadn't expected to see him.

He was leaning against her bumper, hands shoved in his pockets and his hair blowing about in the November wind. The sky above was tinged gray, threatening to start raining at any minute. Pam could feel one or two droplets of water fall on her exposed hands and face as she watched him stand up in front of her. He took a step closer; his eyes holding a look of such dead seriousness, it made Pam uneasy. What was he doing here, after work, in front of her car, waiting for her to come out? Pam suddenly wished Ryan were there with her.

"What are you doing here?" she had to fight her voice from shaking. What was she so scared of? Jim was her friend, and it was stupid that she was so nervous around him. She let out a breath, trying to relax her pounding heart.

Jim glanced down at his shoes, hunching his shoulders slightly, "I... wanted to talk to you." he said hesitantly.

Pam just looked at him suspiciously. "Now?"

"Obviously," Jim smirked, giving a dry laugh. Pam bit her lip.

"Can this wait till tomorrow? I should really be getting home." Pam hoped Jim would leave. She hoped he would think she had some important favor she had to do for her mother or sister or someone, and it was of utmost importance. Honestly, all she really wanted was for Ryan and her to go home together right now, away from this place.

Jim's brow creased, "Funny, because I could've sworn I overheard you and Ryan talking today about how he had to catch up on some overtime work and you were complaining you had nothing to do tonight while he was gone."

Pam just stared. "How did you...?"

"I sit about a foot away from him. How do you think?" Jim snapped, a sudden coldness in his voice, making Pam uneasy.

An awkward silence pushed on as the gray clouds slowly began to gather. A light drizzle began to fall, feeling like little pricks of ice on Pam's skin when they landed on her. "Frizzle" her mother used to call it, Pam remembered. She wrapped her arms around herself as she looked down at her shoes, feeling uncomfortable and guilty as she felt Jim's eyes on her.

"What happened to us Pam?" she heard quietly from above her. It was soft and heartbroken, but it made Pam angry so suddenly and forcefully that her head snapped up at neck-cracking speed.

"What happened?!" Pam yelled, staring at him and not believing what she was hearing. "You telling me you were in love with me then leaving for five months was what happened!" She was so angry at that moment she could have slapped him.

Jim's eyes widened in shock, "Well, I've been back for more than a month now, and we still aren't on good terms yet! What happened to _that_?" Jim yelled right back, and Pam's mouth dropped open.

"Are you being intentionally _dense_?!" Pam shouted incredulously, "You tell me you love me, then leave for Connecticut, never to be heard from again! You left me with a broken engagement and two of the most emotionally trying months of my life, and you think everything should be all fine and dandy between us now that you've come back??"

"You were sad about me for two whole months?? Really? Try dealing with it for three years!" Jim glared at her.

"No one _asked _you to pine over me for three years," Pam scowled, and suddenly the frizzle began pouring a little harder. Her hair was now noticeably matted down with moisture, but she ignored it, glaring only at Jim's face.

"Yeah, because people _ask _you all the time if you want to fall in love with someone," Jim said sarcastically, and Pam suddenly couldn't take it anymore.

"Go to hell," she mumbled acidly as she started walking around him, towards her car and pulling her cell phone and keys out her pocket as she went. Jim stepped in front of her.

"What are you doing?" Jim demanded angrily. He grabbed her arm, but she violently shook it out of his grasp. "We're not finished here!"

"I am," Pam said fiercely as she speed dialed Ryan on her phone. She brought it up to her ear when she heard him pick up.

"Ryan?"

"Pam? What is it?" Ryan asked worriedly.

Pam couldn't say anything else before a sudden blow to her ear made her almost fall over. Jim yanked her phone out of her grasp and, to her complete shock, threw it on the ground, shattering it to pieces with a resounding crash.

CRACK!

Thunder roared up ahead at that exact same moment, and the rain suddenly started coming in sheets. The downpour drenched both of them; skin, clothes, hair and all. Water streamed down Pam's face, a mixture of rain and tears. She couldn't believe Jim was capable of acting so cruel, even to her. She just stared at his angry, rain-drenched face, a mixture of shock and horror etched on hers.

"What the hell did you do that for?!" Pam screamed angrily over the downpour.

"Here's a better question: Why the hell are you with _him_??" Jim's features showed pure anger and heartbreak; finally showing on the surface how he really felt about her and Ryan.

"What?!" Was this why Jim was so upset?

"Before I left, you would barely say two words to him a week! Now, all of a sudden, you guys are a couple?? I'm sorry, I just have a hard time buying that."

"What's to buy?" Pam asked shakily, trying to control herself from sobbing. "You've seen us in there. Michael practically shouted it from the frickin' rooftops, for God's sakes! What, have you been walking around all month with a blindfold on?"

"No, but why _him?_" Jim insisted.

Pam stared at him seriously for a second before answering, tears streaming down her face, "He pulled me out of a dark place. He loved me when I thought I was unloveable, not caring that I had already gotten my heart broken twice at the same time. _He_ never left me." Pam started sobbing now, and she tried to hide her face from him.

Jim was silent, a desperate look in his eyes. "What other choice did I have?" he said, barely audible over the rainstorm.

"You had choices," Pam said coldly, looking up at him with her red, puffy eyes, "You just wanted the one that was best for you."

Jim didn't yell back; he didn't even say anything. He merely looked away, defeated and sad. Pam watched him, feeling anger and pity at the same time. He had gone through a lot, and so had she. But she had moved on with her life; it was just that Jim hadn't. He wanted to move on, but he was just so damn stubborn when it came to her, she knew. Ryan and Pam were happy together, but Jim couldn't accept that. He was like a child who had lost a family member to death for the first time. It was difficult to explain to the child that they would never see the family member again, because when they heard it, they refused to believe it. The child would continue to insist they would come back and they would be happily together again.

Eventually, the child would have to accept the inevitable: They would never come back, and they would never be together again.

Jim had to accept that him and Pam would never be a couple.

"I'm sorry," Jim whispered. Pam thought she saw tears run down his cheeks through the storm.

The front doors burst open, and Ryan appeared in the doorway.

"Pam!" He saw her and Jim, standing and facing each other, drenched in water, and ran toward them. He glanced between the two, his eyes wide. "What's wrong?"

Jim just stared sadly at the two before turning on his heel and walking away toward his car. His feet crunched over the remains of Pam's phone, and he didn't look back as he opened the door, climbed in, and started it. Both her and Ryan watched as he pulled out the parking lot, tires squealing on the wet pavement, out of sight.

Ryan turned to look at her, "What happened?"

Pam looked at him, then next second wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him as tight as possible. He hugged her back, surprised but lovingly. Neither of them cared that it was thundering and raining and that they were soaking wet. They were just thankful they had each other.

***

The next day, Pam and Ryan came in to work to find out that Jim had left Dunder-Mifflin. And this time for good.

* * *

_Fun Fact: I went to the doctor the other day, and he said I just finished growing at 5'8 3/4", the EXACT same height as our lovable temp Ryan Howard!! How cool is that?:)_

_Oh yeah, and please review. _


	7. Epilogue

**5 Years Later**

"No Alex!"

Pam knelt down and wrapped her arms around the middle of the squirming child in a desperate attempt to hold him back from running head-on into the kitchen table. Pam was absolutely exhausted after watching her three-year-old son for more than 14 hours; dark circles were under her eyes and her hair was falling out of its ponytail. Her t-shirt and sweatpants were hanging loosely off her small frame, and she felt as if she was about to pass out, she was so tired. Toys and books and splattered food was littered across the entire house, making it look like a tornado had hit it. Unfortunately, it seemed that Alex was still chalk-full of energy.

"Mommy! Play!" Alex insisted, turning to look at his mother with wide blue eyes. He was the spitting image of his father: blue eyes, dark hair, and a small skinny body. He was wearing onesy pajamas with racecars on it; his teeth were brushed and his bath was taken (not forgetting to splash until his mother was soaked head to foot) But now, he was finally ready for bed. At least, Pam was ready: Alex wasn't.

"No, Alex. Bedtime." Pam sighed, awkwardly pushing the bangs out of her sleepy face with her elbow. Alex still whined annoyingly, trying to run toward the kitchen where he had left his favorite Hot Wheels, but Pam managed to scoop him up off the ground. With what felt like a tremendous amount of effort, Pam threw him over her shoulder like a fireman. She turned toward the kitchen stove clock, checking the time as Alex squealed with delight at being carried around.

"When is your father coming home?" Pam asked her son wearily.

"Play!" Alex just happily giggled. Pam closed her eyes, breathing hard through her nose.

She heard the front door open, and thought an angel had just come from heaven.

"Pam?" Ryan called from the doorway. She heard him set his suitcase and keys on the coffee table, then heard a plastic bag being plunked down on the ground. Pam smiled as she walked around the corner, the little boy still hanging over her shoulder.

"Hey," Pam said wearily to her husband. She pulled her son off of her neck and held him out for Ryan to take. "You're putting him to bed tonight."

Ryan didn't even argue. "Hey buddy," he said happily to his son, taking him from Pam's hands. He discreetly pushed something with his foot behind a potted plant, and Pam didn't notice. "Were you good for mommy today?"

"Oh, he was a little angel," Pam said wearily, a hint of sarcasm in her tired voice. Ryan chuckled before leaning over and kissing his wife on the cheek.

"Not a good day, huh?" Ryan tickled his son on the tummy, and Alex snickered giddily.

"Can't say it was," Pam muttered before turning and walking towards the couch. She sunk into it, lying down face-first. Ryan chuckled again before walking up the stairs, toward Alex's bedroom.

"Time for bed, little buddy," she heard Ryan mutter as he carried him to his room. His voice faded as he made it to the top.

Pam sighed as she flipped over, staring at the staircase her son and husband had just gone up. She could always count on Ryan to help her out after Alex was born. He seemed more than happy to get up in the middle of the night in place of her when their son was being fussy, or change him when Pam was too tired. Pam always thought it was easy for him to enjoy fatherhood, because _he _didn't have to spend twenty hours a day making sure Alex didn't break a window or throw his food around too much.

Pam rubbed her itching, burning eyes with her hand and sighed drowsily. As much as she wanted to be annoyed with Ryan for getting to spend all his time at the office, she couldn't be angry at him. She loved Ryan with all her heart, and nothing could ever change that.

They had gotten married a mere four years ago, just a small wedding held at Lake Scranton. Pam remembered that day as if it were yesterday; the dress, Ryan in his tux, their familes, and her not being able to stop smiling the whole time through. She thought back to his proposal a few months before the wedding, and smiled. It was a mere month after Jim had left Dunder-Mifflin the second time. Ryan had taken her to the parking lot after work, told her how much he loved her and how he never doubted for a second she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and went down on one knee. Pam had practically screamed 'yes' before the question was even asked. They both were crying with happiness as he stood up and kissed her deeply. Everyone from the office then walked through the double glass doors, applauding and wolf-whistling at them. Michael all but tackled them when he came out, but neither of them cared. They just laughed, because both were so deliriously happy at the fact they were engaged.

After the wedding, both had left Dunder-Mifflin to pursue their real careers. Ryan had gotten a mangaging job in Allentown at a company that made routers for computers, and Pam had wrangled an illustrating job at a publishing company at a nearby town. They moved to an apartment that was about halfway between the two workplaces, with Ryan promising it was going to be great. Although, with the one car, things got to be a little difficult. The bus only went by Pam's building, so she got the short end of the stick, getting to ride the bus to work everyday. Ryan felt so terrible about this, he saved up enough money to buy them a second car. Pam remembered being furious at him at first when he surprised her with it, but then she started realizing they really needed this, then before she knew it she was kissing him all over, saying 'thank you' over and over again. Ryan just laughed, saying how cute it was when she changed her mind.

About six months into their marriage and new life, they got pregnant with Alex... and the rest is history.

Pam heard Ryan come down the stairs and she closed her eyes sleepily. She felt him sit down at the foot of the sofa and take one of her sore feet in his hands, rubbing it gently. Pam sighed contentedly.

"That feels good," she muttered, opening her eyes again. Ryan just smiled. "Did you have any problems putting him to bed?"

"Nope. He went down like a ton a bricks. His busy day was more exhausting on him than you thought."

"It couldn't have been worse on him than it was on me! I can't believe it's only 7:30 and I'm ready to go to bed." Pam sat up and scooched closer to Ryan, laying her legs on his lap and wrapping her arms around his waist. "That child will be the death of me someday, I swear."

Ryan just smiled and snuggled closer to her. He told her about his day, about something funny that had happened in the shipping department, and Pam just listened, feeling relaxed. She always wanted to hear about her husband's day, even when she was completely exhausted.

"Hey, did you get the mail today?" she heard Ryan ask from her drowsy state. Pam's eyes snapped open, feeling a twinge of panic.

"Shoot! No, I didn't," Pam brought her hand back from Ryan's side, rubbing her eyes then running a hand through her hair. "I was too busy with Alex. Don't worry, I'll get it." she made a move to get up, but Ryan stopped her.

"Don't worry about it, I'll get it." he lifted her legs off his lap, and stood up, stretching.

"You know what, how 'bout this:" Pam stood up and wrapped her arms around her husband's middle. Ryan wrapped his arms around her too, pulling her closer and smiling. "I'll get the mail, and you can get dinner started. I haven't had anything to eat all day."

Ryan smiled again and kissed her on the forehead, "You got it." he said before turning around and heading toward the kitchen. Pam smiled at her husband's retreating back, and started to look around for her flip-flops so she could go down to the lobby and retreve their mail.

A minute later she was standing in the lobby, unlocking the mailbox marked 'Howard'. She pulled out a thick stack of envelopes and began flipping through them all.

"Bill. Bill. Junk. Junk. Bill..." Pam mumbled to herself as she flipped through them. She got to the last one and nearly dropped the rest of the letters in her hand

There, in the returning address, clear as day, was "Jim Halpert".

Pam stared at it, not believing what she was seeing. Jim sent them a letter? She hadn't had any contact with him for five years! This couldn't be right. Pam's eyes grazed over the whole thing, trying to find if this was a joke, but came up blank. It looked as if Jim really did send her a letter.

Pam tucked the rest of the mail under her arm and tore open Jim's letter. She pulled it out, her fingers shaking slightly, and unfolded it. She began to read:

_Dear Pam,_

_You're probably wondering why I'm writing to you now of all times. Well, I'm just writing to tell you, if you haven't already heard, that I recently got married. Yeah, her name is Alonna, and she's great. She's a professor at Scranton Tech, and we were dating for a good seven months before I proposed. We got married a few months after at her church, and we've been happily married for a month now. We just bought a house in Scranton (I know, big change, right?)_ _and we actually just bought a dog yesterday. His name's Spooks, because the owner said he was the weirdest, most outgoing puppy he had ever seen (remind you of anyone we used to know?). Anyway, yeah. I'm doing well._

_But I'm also writing to apologize. I know, me contacting you for the first time in five years has got to be weird for you to process, but just hear me out. I didn't have everything figured out when I came back to Dunder-Mifflin in the merger, and I thought maybe we could give our relationship another shot. Imagine how embarressed I was when I found out about you and Ryan, and how Michael just announced it to the whole office! It probably wasn't that much more fun for you either. Anyway, I felt like I had lost my chance, and I was jealous. It felt like you were with Roy all over again. I knew you were trying to be my friend again, and I'm sorry I was acting like such an ass. I guess I was just angry at myself for thinking we were going to end up together someday. It was stupid to think, I know. When you moved in with Ryan, I guess I just kind've snapped, and that's why I confronted you in the parking lot that day. But that didn't help anything; in fact I think I just made things worse. And Pam, I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. I honestly didn't mean to put such a strain on your relationship with him. I take full credit on being the biggest ass alive..._

_Anyway, I heard about your wedding in the paper a few years ago. Congratulations! You must be so happy, Mrs. Pam Howard. Ryan is a very lucky man. I wish you guys the best in your marriage and your lives, truly._

_Again, if you haven't already heard, I am now a product salesman at Staples. I know, I just can't get enough of the paper business! It's seriously addicting. Anywho, Alonna and I would love it if you and Ryan would come over for dinner sometime. If you think it's too soon, or if Ryan's uncomfortable or something, I totally understand. If not, write me back and let me know if it's okay. We have lots of lost time we have to catch each other up on._

_Sincerely,_

_Jim Halpert_

Pam didn't realize she had tears in her eyes when she had finished Jim's letter. She leaned her back against the wall of the apartment lobby, and let the tears flow. She clutched the letter in her hand, and stared at it. She hadn't thought about Jim in more than four years, and now here he was, extending an olive branch. He was asking for forgiveness when the last things they had said to each other were screamed angrily at the tops of their voices during a thunderstorm. Pam didn't know what to think.

She thought back, to all those years ago, when she only had eyes for Jim. When they played pranks on Dwight together, had their own inside jokes, or made up games. When she was secretly pined over him when she was stuck in her relationship with Roy. She hadn't thought about these moments since she had gotten together with Ryan. She found no need to, because Ryan was more than enough of a good husband to her. But now...

Pam couldn't help but wonder. Wonder what it would have been like if she got together with Jim. That it was him she still pined over when he came back. That it was him who asked her out, and it was him she said yes to. Maybe they would have been a good couple. Maybe he would have been the one to go down on one knee. Maybe it would have been him she would love endlessly; the one she would spend the rest of her life with.

Pam pushed all these thought away as she wiped the tears out of her eyes. She couldn't wonder right now. She had a family to take care of and to love. She walked back upstairs to her apartment, her legs feeling like jello.

"Hey, babe. What took you so long?" Ryan asked when she came through the front door. The entire house smelled of cooking noodles and tomato sauce. He was making spaghetti just the way she liked it.

Pam walked up to the kitchen doorway, and leaned against the frame, not saying a word. She just watched her husband make dinner with a small smile, distant smile etched on her face. She held the mail in her right hand, but Jim's letter was still clutched in her left hand, behind her back. She wasn't ready to tell him that Jim had written them. She didn't know if she would ever till him.

"Trade you," she heard Ryan's quiet voice from far away, and she blinked. Ryan was holding out his hand to take the mail in her right hand, and a bouquet of flowers was held out in his other. A large smile spread across Pam's face as she handed him the junk mail and happily took the flowers from him. She smelled them, falling in love with her husband all over again.

"Thank you," she said, still smiling.

"I managed to hide them behind the plant after I came in so you wouldn't see." Ryan looked proud of himself, and Pam gave a small burst of laughter. A tear sliding down her cheek, she leaned over and kissed him deeply on the mouth.

She didn't need to wonder. She didn't need to think about 'maybes' and 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens'. Ryan was her future, and he would always be there to love her and take care of her. Jim was happy with his life, and so was she.

"I love you," Pam whispered against his lips. Ryan smiled.

She was going to tell him about the letter tomorrow. Right now, she was just going to enjoy her evening with her husband.


End file.
